A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
