i think my mom watched the whole time
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
