I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
