it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
