So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
