Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
