Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
