Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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