She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
