Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
