evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
