According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
