If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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