I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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