Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
