I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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