And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
