He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
