I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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