he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's blow job season.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
