I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
