i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
