what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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