all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
