guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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