i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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