The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
