I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
