I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
