I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
