There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
