she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
