Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
