i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
