We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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