I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am available for nakedness
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
