you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
