dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
