There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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