dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
