I am in a vortex of obligation.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
