I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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