if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
