Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
