dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
