Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
