it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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