K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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