i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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