He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
