you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
