im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think a kid would responsible me up
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
