guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
