Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
