Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
